The Most Important Book in my Life (II)
Kemi’s Journal.
A first year undergrad student, I was taking a general English class that required my class to read a book, Abidemi Sanusi’s Kemi’s Journal.
As we discussed the book in our first class, I did not have a copy. It didn’t seem that big of a deal; after all, I reasoned, Literature wasn’t my major. But my lecturer wasn’t having it. Her students would either have a copy of the book or forfeit her class. It was a no-brainer. So the next time I attended the class, I had a copy. Unknown to me, I was holding what was soon to be a treasure in my life and library.
When we discussed the book in class, I paid little attention because in a class of over 100 people — a general lecture with student attendance from different departments — I was a lot more captivated by stories from my friends who I shared seat with. But I had recently decided to be serious about reading widely, so outside the monotony of my lecturer’s voice and in my spare time, I decided to read this book. It helped that it had an artistic cover.
That first time, I don’t remember feeling great excitement for the book. Sure, it was a story well told. It had also inspired me to start keeping a detailed journal à la Kemi’s journal. But it didn’t strike me as an important literature.
By the time I was done reading the book, we were still reading it in class and, somehow, I began to have discussions about it. Among my friends, we started to ask questions. How do we manage the integrity of our morals in the face of instinctive desire? And when the guilt of our fall causes us to alienate ourselves from those who care about us, how do we manage that?
I found myself reading the book one more time, and unlike the first time when I had read it to fulfil my course requirement, this time it felt personal. I really wanted to know as a Christian, would God require me to ditch my unbelieving boyfriend just because he wasn’t a Christian, even if he treated me like royalty?
I started journaling more too. Kemi had shown me how a journal could be a tool for personal reflection, to articulate things I didn’t even know I felt, and to therapize.
I’ve heard it said once that some books make an unassuming entry into your life, only to change you forever. Kemi’s Journal was that book for me, but I didn’t realize it until 2015.
As I write, I have a copy that is eleven years old, and it’s one of my most treasured possession in the world. Its writing will probably be snubbed for its simplicity, but it is precisely because of it that it appeals to me. That and how completely relatable the story is in a world of hard compromises.
Kemi’s Journal has taught me a lot since I first read it, and I thought I would share some of those lessons with you.
Christianity is not perfection
It’s the most striking lesson of the book for me. I once saw a tweet by Osaretin Victor Asemota that buttressed this. In the tweet, he said, God wants us to strive towards perfection but knows we will never attain it… [therefore] It is the act of trying [to be perfect] that is desirable. A number of things can be confusing for Christians, particularly when dealing with the guilt of sin. And this isn’t helped by the fear that most religious leaders peddle.
In all this, we need to remember who we are ultimately accountable to, God. He extends an unending grace to us.
With that in mind, don’t beat yourself up about being anything less than perfect. You are not supposed to be perfect.
God will work even our mess for our good
I’ll hate to spoil Kemi’s Journal for you if you haven’t already read it. So I’ll restrain myself from giving details and just say there’s no mess too deep that God can’t bring you out of. I remember reading Kemi’s struggle with her boyfriend, Zack, and wondering if I could let go of someone I love so easily because they are not aligned with a deeply held belief of mine. I’m not sure I can answer the question even now. But Kemi’s story taught me that even when we make decisions that are not in perfect alignment, God will work them for our good.
Of course, this is not an excuse to be irresponsible because even when God intervenes, we still have to deal with the consequences of our actions. It’s just, even when in our ignorance, fear, or doubt, we make less than stellar decisions, God will turn it around to favor us.
Be real with your journal
I’ve often thought that if Kemi were a real person, I’d love to be friends with her. That’s because of how real she was in her journal — thanks to the amazing writing of Abidemi Sanusi of course. Kemi’s honesty taught me what it means to be true to one’s self, and it buttressed something I learnt many years prior.
I used to read a crazy hilarious and heart-warming blog named Single Dad Laughing by Dan Pearce. Once, I read a blog post of his where he said, and I’m paraphrasing, that it was ridiculous to have a journal one couldn’t be real with. That struck me and completely changed my relationship with journaling. However, it wasn’t until Kemi’s Journal that I saw what it meant to be honest with my journal.
It meant being truthful (to myself) about the people I didn’t like, what I really think about the different elements of my life, and the things I struggle to reconcile about life.
I understand that we’re often sparing in the details we journal because we want to control the damage that will be done in the case that someone, God forbid our nemesis, stumbles on our most private thoughts. Here’s the thing though, Y.O.L.O because who will tell a complete story about the lives we lived if we tell scanty stories while we’re alive?
Be honest with God
It’s no use being honest with your journal if you cannot be honest with God. If Christianity is about a relationship, and if in some ways a journal is a means towards that goal, we should be pursuing honest communication with God, not just please-give-mes but an honesty that bares it all out before Him.
For some, this takes the form of a prayer journal. For others, it’s a daily letter they write to God. It doesn’t matter what means through which you choose to develop this intimacy, what matters is that you pursue it with honesty.
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To say Kemi’s Journal has been significant in my life is only a small attempt at conveying just how much it has shaped, informed, and instructed me.
Everyone should read it.
